Remember Lot's Wife

The message at church 2 weeks ago was on the passage in Luke 17 about Lot and his wife. I've heard the story a thousand times but something that day hit me like a ton of bricks. Lloyd paused in the middle of the passage when he got to that part.... he said something like "think about it. Doesn't that seem kinda harsh that God would BAM turn a woman into a pillar of salt? What did she do that was so horrific? Just a quick glance? Like 'hey what's going on back there, all the destruction of the city?' No. It was more than curiosity. Her heart was back in Sodom. She was looking back - longingly - to what mattered most to her. Not that her God and her family were with her - no. It wasn't enough. It was what she left behind. Her heart betrayed her."

Read the context! 

“It will be just like this on the day the Son of Man is revealed. On that day no one who is on the roof of his house, with his goods inside, should go down to get them. Likewise, no one in the field should go back for anything. Remember Lot’s wife! Whoever tries to keep his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it."

Jesus is talking about when He returns. No one will be able to run inside their house and grab their stuff. He's saying if that's your life - your stuff - you're gonna lose it. Remember Lot's wife. As an example.

Matthew 16:21 - "For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."

In my whole journey of being in this "waiting" season, on many levels, I find my heart warring. Between my paradox of what I want and think I need and where God has me. It's not always the classic materialism that creeps into our heart. Maybe not the obvious desire for a new car or new house or new summer wardrobe. (or maybe it is) But maybe the ease of life you thought you'd have, the friendships you had hoped for or the expectations for your marriage or your relationships with your children. Really any "treasure" beside Jesus is an idol. Materialism. 

That's where I find myself.

I feel these days my heart is warring. Spinning out of control at times. I long to just sit and rest with just Jesus and it be enough! Days it is. Other days I am Lot's nameless wife, glancing back for another look at what could be, what should have been, what I left behind, what I will never have. I want "JESUS+". Ya know, the nice little add on you see on the "but WAIT! call now in the next 9 minutes and we will throw in the FREE double super duper set at no extra charge!" 

Yeah. Pretty sick.

OR maybe it's like the Nike+ I so adore. The little chip you throw in your shoe and it tracks your running, distance, speed, even can sync with your music. The "perfect world" experience for a runner. It's not just running. It's running WITH music, facts, tracking, and an automated friend to cheer you on and report your progress.

That sounds nice.

I think that's what my heart wants so much of the time. Jesus+. Until I spin faster and faster, searching and trying to make it all happen until I just CAN'T hold it together anymore and I'm on my face, ashamed before Him of my idolatry, begging for mercy and clinging to JUST JESUS. No plus. No obedient kids or organized house or perfect friendships or itemized budget or perfect body or super sensitive husband or days with no rain, spills, chaos, mess, disappointments, letdowns, failures, disasters, or unexpected calamities. We were never promised that.

Let me say it again.

For myself.

I WAS NEVER PROMISED THAT.

I find I am most at peace and rest when I quit fighting reality and embrace it, in all of its brokenness, and let Jesus meet me there.

This has been a tough week for me. But I can just hear His whispers.... "date time with you, girl!" That's how he calls out to me. It gets tough and rough and all through it I see Him saying "come onnnn! Let go and come be with Me."

This last week I do not wish to repeat. My selfish heart, my independence, my buying into the lies and untruths. But this next week? This next week I long for Him to heal me. To lead me. To let truth be my balm. To seek Him out and give Him priority in my days. I see what a wreck I am without His constant guiding grace.

I made a visual. To remind me. To remember. And not look back. To look forward to what lies ahead - what Jesus has in store - to what the light of His countenance leads me towards.

It's a jar filled with salt. A daily reminder to not be Lot's wife. To let my treasure be of the eternal and not the earthly. To let Jesus be my heart and not my own. To learn to live in the paradox of life - full of imperfection and yet, oh so perfect and blessed.

And to not look back. Or else things might get a little salty...