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But of course knowing me, I can't leave off the thousand words... ;)
Notice the little booties hanging on the clothes line on the right.
Yes. It's oh so true. We will soon be a family of 6.
It's a bit of a surprise. Yet we had been talking about "maybe a 4th" for several months now. In my heart I silently prayed God would just let it happen if it was meant to be. We know a little too much about how it all works and there's just no way to not plan or un-plan. If that makes any sense.
Either way. This little one came from pure oversight :)
But Divine appointment, we have no doubt.
What's so funny is everyone was teasing us when we went away for the weekend. I remember Mom saying as we were about to drive away, "we expect a 4th grandbaby!" I rolled my eyes and laughed. But for real. It was an escape baby.
I rather hold that in a sweet spot in my heart. That weekend in Nashville with my man was pure bliss. Being by ourselves, staying up late, champagne and chocolate, exploring the town, music, shows, amazing food, good talks, great memories... I'm glad we got a little "souvenir" ;)
I would be lying if I didn't say I was scared. Pregnancy is not fun for me. The worst of it being the first 16 weeks or so. GAG. I'm in the thick of it. The sickness is yucky. I hate how it feels and miss feeling normal for my kids and my husband. The pregnancy, birth, hormones, and first year of a newborn are always such a challenge. Full of amazing moments but also full of equally exhausting and trying times. Hence our hesitation to start the process all over again. But here we are! And we are thankful for life.
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I was in the doctor's office the other day for a check-up for McKayla and I got to talking with the girl that worked there and somehow the topic came up and I said, "well we are actually expecting our 4th!" She smiled and said "oh wow!" Just then I looked behind me and saw 3 children that were acting like complete monkeys. Asher was making loud and manly grunts and noises, demanding food (did I mention loud??), and the girls were doing some sort of gymnastics moves on the exam table, and for a split second I saw it through her eyes.... wow. We are definitely crazy. I could tell she thought so.
The next day I ran into Walgreens to pick up a few things and the young guy at the checkout said "Wow. How did you get left with all these kids!?" I was really taken back. Not even sure how to answer that!?! But wasn't about to say "oh and guess what, we've got another one comin'!"
That night as I drove away, heading downtown to a half-way house I volunteer at, a lot of fears began to creep in. What if I can't handle 4? What if we should have just focused on the ones we do have? Are we nuts for starting this process all over again? Am I cut out for this???
Just then, this song came on the radio.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yW-JZrrEbt4
The words melted my heart! I cried to the Lord. He is my hope! He is my doubt-destroyer. He is my song. He is my peace!
Truth be told, as I fix my gaze on Jesus, I have amazing peace and excitement. My fears are only extensions of my attempt to be my own strength, to be my own faith, to carry my own burdens. But Jesus is that for me.
This will be a season of opportunity. For me to grow even more out of my "good girl" skin and let Jesus be my righteousness. To embrace grace and the freedom it brings to rest in Jesus. To choose peace over perfection. To let go of control and cling tightly to the Master of my heart.
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Early this morning my little nephew, Rowan was born. Reliving the excitement and anticipation of his birth and then finally seeing the picture of his precious little face reminded me that its all worth it. It's always worth it! Life is an amazing gift. It has already helped me to catch a glimpse of the joy that is to come. I cannot wait to hold this little one and to soak up that preciousness.
So here we are! I'm more than 8 weeks. Appointment with the midwife/ultrasound is later this week. Praying for health and protection. Thankful for my amazing man on this life journey with me. Thankful for my amazing children that are really stepping it up and being huge helpers! And thankful for Jesus, the life-giver.
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My hope is in you, Aaron Shust
I meet with You and my soul sings out
As Your word throws doubt far away
I sing to You and my heart cries holy
Hallelujah, Father You're near
My hope is in you lord, all the day long
I won't be shaken by drought or storm
A peace that passes, understanding is my song and I sing
My hope is in You alone
I wait for You and my soul finds rest
In my selfishness You show me grace
I worship You and my heart cries glory
Hallelujah, Father You're here
My hope is in you lord, all the day long
I won't be shaken by drought or storm
A peace that passes, understanding is my song and I sing
My hope is in You alone
I Will with on You, You Are My refuge
I Will with on You, You Are My refuge
My hope is in you lord, all the day long
I won't be shaken by drought or storm
my hope is in you lord, all the day long
I won't be shaken by drought or storm
A peace that passes, understanding is my song and I sing
My hope is in You alone
