Relentless Love :: 10 years

Today marks a decade. 10 years of being Mrs. David Banker.

It has flown by... and yet it seems it has been forever.

I liked you for a long time. I was always trying to "accidentally" cross your path. You came up and did a landscaping project for our family for a few days. I knew there was something real there. I knew our hearts would be at home with each other.

You talked to my dad and we began a crazy and redonkulous courtship. Corny and jacked up as it was, we loved each other. And we were all in.

You were building a house. A beautiful southern living cottage. You gave me a key to the front door. I felt like the richest girl in the whole world.. 

The "courtship" quickly got confusing and ugly and crazy. We both almost lost our minds. We broke up and 3 days later got engaged. 

We made it to that altar and although we were scared, we were sure. 

As I reflect back on where we started and where we are today, there are no words. Vast growth, change, expansion. 1 apartment and 5 houses. 4 babies born. 4 years in a law suit with 3 attorneys. 2 career changes. 8 vehicles. 1 robbery. 2 different states. And probably about 40 counseling sessions.

I see through the decade God's goodness gleaming bright. I recall our brokenness... the first year when we both almost gave up. We were both so stubborn. So hurt and broken. But we were trying.

Then we moved out of the apartment into the camper out on our property.

I remember late nights going to sleep in the camper by the sound of the crickets, wondering how many more days until we got our C.O. to move in the house.

Icy cold showers. No hot running water. Cooking pancakes on the grill on the front porch. Late night cookie bakes in the toaster oven. The sound of the obnoxious donkey next door. The little kitten that was possessed and would claw our eyes out in the middle of the night. The Friday night El Nopal dinners... the old standby... a #3 and sweet tea!

I remember the day we moved in.

I remember the first positive pregnancy test. The excitement! The unknown. The sickness, the exhaustion, the difficulty. I remember you there with me. The piece of dry toast shaped like a heart on a plate by my bed before my eyes even opened. I remember the box of crayons you brought home one day that we used to decorate the white walls when I laid flat on my back for 3 months.

I remember the last date night of being kid-free!

I remember a few hours later going into labor (timing FTW!)

I remember you pushing me through and being my rock and getting me through my first natural labor. I remember that moment we shared looking into each others eyes and crying like loonies because we did it. Together.

I remember bringing baby girl home and lots and lots and lots of screaming.

And more screaming.

Surely. Our "Noble Heroine of God" was here. Feisty and full of passion.

I remember the big job you got hired for!

I remember the big job going sour.

I remember the day we sold our house and moved out.

The 4 1/2 long years of fighting a law suit and 3 attorneys and big checks paid out and clipping coupons and battling fear.

I remember hopelessness. Downsizing. Struggling.

I remember us feeling alone.

I remember the second pregnancy. Feeling horrible. Renovating a rental. Exhausted.

I remember the power going out in the July heat and being 3 days overdue and angry as !*$#. I walked the halls of that house and finally went into labor. Speedy rapido babe was born 4 hours later in a moment when I truly thought I was dying and you got in my face and screamed at me to breathe. Second baby girl was here and we were in love.

"Pure Delight." Sweet one was just that.

I remember good friends God brought into our lives.

Doing workouts in the sunroom at 6:00am together. Dying out of breath like a bunch of fat lards.

I remember our move to the little yellow house off Marietta Square.

I remember watching episodes of Lost on hulu.

Bigger than life cockroaches in the kitchen at night.

Walks up to the square park for ice cream. Letting the girls play on the little train. The Australian bakery. Being asked if I was the kid's nanny (bless you, sweet woman).

I remember a lot of frustrations in that house. The lease coming to an end. Mustering up the courage to make a big move. Just because.

A drive up to Tennessee searching for housing. 1 week before our lease was up in Georgia and our housing plans falling through in Tennessee. Anxiety. Prayer.

A little house just around the corner with a sign stuck in the yard just that morning.

"We'll take it."

"Just a stepping stone house," we said. 1 year or so. Turned into 4.

Making amazing friendships. Real people who love Jesus and love us well. A church with a message of truth and grace. Our hearts opening anew to a fresh perspective. Best move of our lives. A risk we are glad we took.

Another pregnancy, a walk at 4am on Berry's Chapel Court in the balmy breezy air of April, stopping for each contraction. Yes, I was the crazy woman squatting in the middle of the street. A long awaited boy born in that living room. So much emotion and joy.

Our "Happy Arm of God" was born. And he did bring so much light and happiness.

Popcicles and little tikes cars and doing the kid life.

Momma going crazy in crammed quarters. Daily grasping for nuggets of gratefulness.

Building our business here. One job leading to the next. God's provision.

Law suit, at last, ending.

Relief.

Only months later, the threat of another.

Gripping fear.

Leaving our Florida vacation the day after we got there.

A miracle.

A breakdown.

Unknown. Hurt. Loss. Undoing.

A desperate phone call.

A God-send of a mentor in our lives.

Months of breaking it all down. Letting God undo us. Letting Him rebuild. Not being sure what would be at the end, but daring to walk the unknown.

Anger.

More Anger.

Honest conversations with God.

Coming apart so we could come together stronger.

God rebuilds.

He's relentless.

Learning what it means to love without strings attached. To let each other be who God created them to be. To get off the co-dependent crazy train. To quit trying to control each other. To grant freedom and to receive it. To learn to love again.

Finding a new normal.

A re-proposal. A signant of God doing a new thing.

A celebration in Nashville for the weekend!

Surprise, baby #4 on the way ;)

Sickness.

Long days.

Hormones on the loose.

A patient man.

3 days late again.

A baby girl born in that same living room in crazy amounts of peace.

"Bright Freedom." God was doing something new. She was proof of it.

Beating our heads against a wall trying to buy a house.... then trying to build... dead end street after dead in street (no pun intended). Frustration to the max!

Remember how we never thought we would get out of that house?? Just like we never thought we would move in the house we were building? Just like we never thought the law suit would end? Or that kid would finally poop in the potty!?

Somehow things end. Perspective. Timing, Patience. Growth.

Valentines day surprise and we closed on a house and were handed real keys. Our keys.

An amazing man that pulled every string in the book to surprise me and love me so well.

The craziest move of our life.

Now living in a renovation with 4 babies. More craziness. Everyday. Always noise. Always crying. Always a party. Dancing and singing.

Learning and growing with the ebbs and flows of life.

You are patient with me. You guide my heart to truth. You let me be who I am. I find immense comfort with you and yet the challenge to open my heart up to Jesus.

I have never known a man more diligent, more giving, more selfless. You dream, you pursue. You keep your priorities straight.

I've seen you grow. Break down. And flourish all the more. Pruning has done well for you. You have opened yourself up to His process.

You never give up on me. On us. When its exhausting or boring or exciting or passionate or lonely or busy... you're faithful.

Thank you.

A decade is a lot of life. And yet I know we are only beginning. Your love is relentless... because His grace is.

Grateful to be your comrade. To do life with you. To be a witness to each other's journey.

God is writing our story! Of this I have no doubt. As I reflect back on these last 10 years and write out this journey I know its just a chapter in the book. I'm in awe of His faithfulness to us. It's a beautiful story.

I love you. Cheers to many more, my friend.

~Mrs. Banker