A Month of Love

Time is flying, and dragging, all at once. You Momma's know, that's how life is with little ones... in the winter months... and being pregnant :) The Lord has been burdening my heart so much with the challenge to live daily... in the moment. 

I feel my word for this year is embrace. It sounds nice. It sounds Ann Voskamp-ish. But I truly want to learn what it means. In the moments of chaos, challenge, exhaustion, needs, and struggle. In the moments of joy, happiness, laughter, joy, and adorableness. I want to embrace.

There's a lot about this season that I find where I am "stuck." God has me in a holding pattern. YEA, again. He just knows how much I love 'em ;) I struggle through, I pour out my heart, I tell Him the realities of what I  am feeling, what I am needing, what am hopeful for. I'm learning to be truly honest with Him. Not pray the prayers I think some great theologian would pray in center stage, but the raw, honest, God-love me prayers. I am finding peace and comfort there. Hope in the fact that I am honest with Him. That nothing is hidden. That He knows.

I know I can live one of two ways: surviving or thriving. I feel everything in my life right now screammmms SURVIVAL. Yet my spirit - the one God gave me as a little girl, my personality, my passion, my heart, says live! Have fun and enjoy the days! Keep it simple. Love my littles. Love my man. Let everything else go. What people think, what the expectations are, what I'm failing miserably at, essentially, what really doesn't matter, let it go.

So last week the Lord gave me a challenge. To teach my children more of what it means to be loved and to love. To know Jesus love for themselves, and to know what it means to love on others.

After all, isn't that what really matters?

Mark 12:30-31: "The foremost is... 'you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength;' the second is this, 'you shall love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no other commandment greater than these."

No other! 

So we are taking on the challenge of John 15:12: "This is my commandment that you love one another, just as I have loved you."

We sat down and had a family meeting, talking about what that verse means. How did Jesus love us? Sacrificially. He gave. We are to love the same! 

Initially this "project" the Lord gave me seemed overwhelming. My plate is so full just doing the daily - keeping everyone schooled, fed, clean, and loved. But when I thought in little bites - over the course of the month - I realized we could do this. We needed to do this. Everyone is so excited!

First we want to love each other well. This means working on honing in our words that they are kind and do not provoke. Honoring each other. We are going to look for ways to serve each other. And to have fun together! We are going to throw a family valentines party. Just us. I want to make it so special for the people I care the most about.

We are going to write another letter and draw some pictures to send to our compassion child, Edlowit. We baked some simple jam shortbread cookies to give to teachers at ballet, gymnastics, and church. We are going to go visit the sweet widow across the street and take her some. (I'm ashamed we haven't done this sooner!) We are going to mail some care packages of goodies to friends that need encouragement. We want to do some random acts of kindness in secret. We want to do some art projects to decorate the house with and give away to friends.

Simple, little things. A little here, a little there. Isn't that how lives are built? I have to be intentional. Otherwise I get caught up in the daily and nothing beyond that!

I decided to kick it off the other day by taking the girls out for a "girls date" one afternoon. Dave was home and Asher was napping, so I ditched the agenda and we headed to the mall! This was huge for me... finally coming out of the doldrums of nausea and actually having energy! I felt so ALIVE! And so grateful. We went to the mall and just did it all. Had lunch in the food court - and not the typical chickfila, I let them pick whatever they wanted! They thought that was such a huge treat. We took time to look in girlie stores, browse, play in the play place, ride the merry-go-round, snag a few deals on clearance racks, and laugh and play! Dave texted me "when do you think you will be home?" and I replied "I have no idea! We are having too much fun!"

I realized something. My girls are growing up. I tend to base my life on the needs/schedule of the youngest. I have to reverse this! It's hard when they need naps, feeding schedules, etc. But some things I can change. I don't want to miss out on this fun age they are because I am stuck lumping them all in as "the kids." They are individuals! I love who they are. I want to know more about them. I want to interact and engage. I will be begging for this in the teen years, and I know it will not just appear if it has not been built now.

I realized something else. When I slow down and am not so agenda-oriented, I take time to value people. Not just my children, but sales clerks, people I meet, anyone! I feel ashamed for being so rushed and hurried and trying to get home before my ticking-time-bomb child goes off that I overlook the needs of others - the conversations, the opportunities, the involvement. How can I be a voice for Jesus if I am always so hurried? Martha, Martha.... slow it down.

Already, this project is transforming me more than anything. It has to start here, anyway, if it's going to be real to my children. I'm excited to watch the rest of this month unfold and see what we learn and how we grow. Happy Love Month! :)