Unnatural Living

I've been so wrecked this week by the fact that I like things to be how I like. 

I like the weather how I like... (oh gosh, that's a whole blog post on it's own, GOD BLESS IT) #humansagainstwinter

I like my kids to be how I want them to be (well behaved, peaceful, gracious, giving, kind, speakers of truth, basically perfect and reflections of everything I'm not). 

I like my marriage to be like a romance comedy full of gushy sweetness and closeness and the hot guy leaning in to say, "let me care for you, little lady."

I like my house to be the Pottery Barn catalog, where even the kid play areas are "polite cute messes" (not real life glitter colliding with play dough and cat food and cracker crumbs and torn out school papers).

I like friendships to be how I like it. No drama, no awkwardness, no hurt feelings, no jealousy, no comparison, no loneliness, no hurt.

I like my body to be how I like it - fit, no stretch marks wounds of war from baby bearing, no problem areas that are as stubborn as heck, and especially noooooooooo injuries that keep me from my workout rotation calendar (ahem, insert foot in a bootie for a week or two).

I like my finances to be how I want: freeeeeee flowing fountain for all of my social engagements, house renovation projects, dream getaways and target.com purchases. Or just to not stress about a van that threatens to have the bottom fall out of it at any second (I get Flinstones visuals of our feet sticking out to run our way to our destinations. Which could be a great workout! If I didn't have an injured foot....)

Oh darn it. So little is how I LIKE IT TO BE.

It can get downright depressing. Which has honestly been where I have sat the majority of this week. I'm grateful for a family meltdown moment that brought me to my knees with my kiddos gathered around as mommy confessed to God that she is broken, needy, selfish, and out of control. Needing a Savior and Rescuer from the demands of my heart.

Phil 2:13 - "For it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure."

Eph 2:10 -" For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them."

Ps. 18:32 "It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure."

Is 45:9 "Woe to the one who quarrels with his Maker-- An earthenware vessel among the vessels of earth! Will the clay say to the potter, 'What are you doing?'"

Today I read this post from a friend on fb and it hit home and brought it all together. Maybe you can relate to a lot of things being not how you want them to be in an ideal world (aka, not this world we live in, that's fo' sho.)

"...faith isn't natural for you & me. Doubt is natural. Fear is natural. Living on the basis of your collected experience is natural. Pushing the current catalog of personal "what-ifs" through your mind before you go to sleep at night or when you wake up in the morning is natural....Wishing that you were more sovereign over people, situations & locations than you will ever be is natural. Manipulating your way into personal control so you can guarantee that you will get what you think you need is natural. Looking horizontally for the peace that you will only ever find vertically is natural. Anxiously wishing for change in things that you have no ability to change is natural. Giving way to despondency, discouragement, depression, or despair is natural. Numbing yourself with busyness, material things, media, food, or some other substance is natural....But faith simply isn't natural to us.

So, in grace, God grants us to believe. As Paul says in Ephesians 2:8, faith really is the gift of God. There is no more counter intuitive function to the average, sin-damaged human being than faith in God...God gives us the power to first believe, but he doesn't stop there. By grace he works in the situations, locations, & relationships of our everyday lives to craft, hammer, bend, & mold us into people who build life based on the radical belief that he really does exist & he really does reward those who seek him (Heb. 11:6).

Next time you face the unexpected, a moment of difficulty you really don't want to go through, remember that such a moment doesn't picture a God who has forgotten you, but one who is near to you & doing in you a very good thing. He is rescuing you from thinking that you can live the life you were meant to live while relying on the inadequate resources of your wisdom, experience, righteousness, & strength; & he is transforming you into a person who lives a life shaped by radical God-centered faith. He is the ultimate craftsman, & we are his clay. He will not take us off his wheel until his fingers have molded us into those who really do believe & do not doubt." Paul David Tripp

God  is in the business of cultivating our faith. What is He using to craft you? 

See it as God's nearness and rescue.

50 Shades of Gray Yoga Pants

Ya'll, help me out here.

I'm really concerned. I'm not sure if just yoga pants are sinful.....? Or is it any kind of form revealing pants? What if I did Piyo or Barre or Pilates? Are pilates pants reason for valid concern? Downward facing dog pose is rather provocative. If I was in warrior or warrior 2 pose that would be more appropriate.

I'm asking because I had to drop off my son at preschool - in my multi-directional stretch pants. I had just taught an early morning barre class and it was either wardrobe or get him to school on time. 

The clincher: his preschool is at church. 

Granted, there were mostly moms and women there, but I did see one or two dads from a distance. And granted, I had on an alllllllmost tunic, like it almost came below the crease of my bun cheek smile line, but perhaps not entirely if I didn't stand completely upright. It's debatable. Kinda hard to see the back of you with your head craned around to peer in the mirror. Guess I should have asked my husband or a trusted modesty accountability partner.

In the words of Jack Black, "floozy."

In the words of Gretchen Wilson, "home wrecker."

In the words of Bill Gothard, "defrauding/giving pieces of my heart away."

But don't you worry, I will be at that alter on Sunday. I will confess my 50 Shades of Gray heart before the entire congregation. And will be wearing lots of "long, loose and lots" this next week to make up for it. Don't be surprised if you see me in an ankle length jumper and turtleneck. I'm just doing my time, paying my penance. Maybe give a word of encouragement shout out to the sister under the pleats when you see me walking by.