Get Angry

This thought has been on my mind all week. Anger. The I've-HAD-it-sick-and-tired-of-being-sick-and-tired kind of anger. Not the depressing kind that makes you eat a whole bowl of chocolate chunk ice cream while simultaneously crying, watching the Bachelorette, and texting all your bff's. But the kind that motivates you. Moves you. Fuels you.

I've heard it said that if you don't truly hurt, you don't truly love. I believe the same is true in anger. If you don't truly get mad about something, you don't truly care. It seems those that live "que sera sera" lives really don't end up doing much. They let a lot of boats pass by the harbor and never jump on board. Not to say that mindset is entirely wrong, but I believe it is incomplete. To live passively is not to really live at all. It means you have stuffed something and let that inner child die.

We all have dreams, passions, and gifts. We are born driven. Even more laid-back types have interests and passions (although they may not jump around like a raving loon about it like I would). Yet I think as life carries on we get burdened and weighed down with its hardships, trials, preoccupations and perceived necessities. Yet if you were to go back - to "channel your inner child", what would he or she say? Who are you at your core? While all our fantasies and fairy tales may not be achievable, I believe we all have some things that are. Some goals worth reaching, paths worth following, dreams worth pursuing.

This is my last year in my 20's. Perhaps I'm having my mid-life crisis early. Which actually, would make sense because most people married for almost a decade and that have 4 kids would probably be hitting it about now... I just did it all crazy early. But all that to say, these 20's have been packed out - chock full of necessity. Good stuff, but to be really raw here, super crazy hard adult-y (new word) kind of stuff. Trials and life situations thrown at us I never imagined. Today as pure insanity ensued with 3 children all wildly taking their own spin on "a day without naps", I looked up from my life and thought wow. This is nuts. And it's about to get nuttier. It's fantastic and wonderful and I wouldn't trade the chaos and insanity for all the nursing home silence in the world (most days). Yet I do know this: Suzanne is coming out. My passions and dreams are rising to the surface. I'm letting them. Some involve my husband and children. Some involve my faith. Some involve my personal passions and dreams. Some involve helping others. They are good things. Things that need to breathe and come alive.It may be baby steps at first, but I am taking them. As I talk them over with the Lord and ponder them, I know I'm on the right path. I sense an excitement and a freedom and zeal for life that I need. I want my children to see, to know, Mom was alive. She was who she was created to be. I want them to be adventuresome, risk takers, to never settle, to dream, to hope, to plan, to pursue... therefore I have to be that.

Yet sitting on your daybed with a journal and quill pen, jotting about your daydreams will not get you there. It's not till you get angry - mad - about some things that you will take action. Maybe you are mad that someone killed your dreams and squashed your passion. Maybe you are angry because you have let fear and insecurity creep in and steal your hope. Maybe you are mad because you have not been true to God's calling and His voice and have shut it out. Perhaps you are mad because you have let time, and excuses, and unfair circumstances and life's crap storms choke out the pursuit of what you know you need to be doing. Maybe you're just plain mad.

Ya gotta be sick and tired of being sick and tired. I call this the Biggest Looser mindset, sick of the stretchy pants with the elastic waistband. You're just fed up of your own special department to shop in, with clothing sizes that have X's in front of it, and the beads of sweat that form between your fat rolls, and the "black is slimming" motto. SICK AND TIRED. So you let that fuel you. Motivate you. You take charge of your life and decide that if you fall down a million times, you will keep getting up and keep fighting. You will press on. You will succeed.

I have lived long enough to know that resistance and obstacles will come. People will get in your way, life will throw you curve balls, and crazy ridiculous JUNK out of nowhere will dump in your front yard. (I will write a book about this one day. But you won't see it coming.) I'm not saying "dream a dream and hop the back of a unicorn and you will fly to the motherland of destiny!" Lord knows if that was the case we would all have found our pot at the end of the rainbow a long time ago. And as a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure some dreams and passions mold along the way. That's ok too. The fact is that you did it. You went for it. You didn't give up. And you're glad you didn't, bumps and all. Whether it succeeds or flops, you gave it your all.

So I'm curious... what are you mad about? Be angry and sin not. You can be angry and not creepy. Please tell me you are angry. If not, dig a little deeper. Look inside. Look around you. Find something to get angry about. Because I dare say if you're not mad, you're not really breathing. Get mad enough to make a change, set some goals, help, give, do, be.

It will make you pretty darn happy.